MARRIAGE

MARRIAGE

MARRIAGE

هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَكُمْ وَأَنْتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَهُنَّ ۗ

"They (your wives) are a clothing (covering) for you and you too are a clothing (covering) for them." (Surah 2, Verse187)

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

"And one of His signs is that He has created for you, spouses from amongst yourselves so that you might take comfort in them and He has placed between you, love and mercy. In this there is surely evidence (of the truth) for the people who carefully think." (Surah 30, Verse 21)

قالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلّمَ): ما بُنِيَ بِناءَ فِي الإِسْلامِ أَحَبُّ إِلى اللهِ عَزَّ وَجَلّ مِنَ التَّزْوِيجِ.

The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) has said, "There is no foundation that has been built in Islam more loved by Allah, than marriage."

This hadith shows us the great importance that Allah (SwT) and His Messenger (PBUH) have placed on marriage, such that it is the most loved foundation or establishment upon which the Muslim man and woman can build their life upon. If such a foundation is built with love, honesty, sincerity and true faith in Allah (SwT) and all that He has commanded, then there is nothing that could destroy such a firm building.

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُوا رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُمْ مِنْ نَفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا وَبَثَّ مِنْهُمَا رِجَالًا كَثِيرًا وَنِسَاءً ۚ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ الَّذِي تَسَاءَلُونَ بِهِ وَالْأَرْحَامَ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيبًا

"O' mankind! Have consciousness of your Lord who has created you from a single soul. From it He created your spouse and through them He populated the land with many men and women. Have spiritual awareness of the One by whose Name you swear to settle your differences and have respect for the wombs that bore you. Without doubt, Allah (SwT) keeps watch over you all."(Surah 4, Verse 1)

Allah described marriage very differently in the Holy Quran: '. . . He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts) . . . " (Holy Quran 30:21)

Narrated Abu Hurairah: When the Prophet (PBUH) congratulated a man on his marriage, he said: May Allah bless for you, and may He bless on you, and combine both of you in good (works). (Abu DAwud)

Narrated by Thawban: When the revelation “And those who hoard gold and silver” came down they were with the Prophet (PBUH) on one of his journeys. One of his companions said, “It has come down about gold and silver. Would that we knew which property is best so that we might acquire it!” He replied, “The best property is a tongue which mentions Allah, a grateful heart, and a believing wife who helps a man with his faith.” (Ahmad, Tirmidhi)

“And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” (25:74)

The Prophet said:

“Iblis (shaytaan) places his throne upon water; he sends detachments (for creating dissension); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: I did so and so. And he says: You have done nothing. Then one amongst them comes and says: I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and wife. Then satan goes near him and says: “You have done well and then embraces him.” (Muslim)

Allah says in the Qur’an:

“And tell my servants to say that which is best. Indeed, Satan induces (dissension) among them, Indeed satan is ever, to mankind, a clear enemy.” (17:53)

The Prophet (PBUH) said:

"No obedience in what is sinful. Obedience is only in what is right." [Muslim & Bukhari]

Gratitude is one of the most important characteristics of a believer. A Muslim is grateful both to Allah for His infinite mercies and also to people who do well by him/her. The Prophet (PBUH) said:

"The most grateful people to Allah (SwT) are the most thankful of them to others." [Ahmad]

"Those who do not thank people do not thank Allah." [Abu Daud & others]

RIGHTS OF THE WIFE

Your women are a Harth for you, so come to your Harth however you like. Send good deeds ahead for yourselves and have fear of Allah.

Know that you are going to meet Him, and give good news to the believers.”

(Qur’an 2:223)

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was reported to have said:

'The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives"

(From Mishkat al-Masabih, No. 0278(R) Transmitted by Tirmidhi).

“Nothing is placed on the Scale that is heavier than good character. Indeed the person with good character will have attained the rank of the person of fasting and prayer.” [Tirmidhi]

Jabir (RA) Narrated: The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said:

'The most beloved to me among you, and the closest company to me on Judgement Day, is the best of you in ethical conduct”

(Tirmidhi).

وَالْوَالِدَاتُ يُرْضِعْنَ أَوْلاَدَهُنَّ حَوْلَيْنِ كَامِلَيْنِ لِمَنْ أَرَادَ أَن يُتِمَّ الرَّضَاعَةَ وَعلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ لاَ تُكَلَّفُ نَفْسٌ إِلاَّ وُسْعَهَا لاَ تُضَآرَّ وَالِدَةٌ بِوَلَدِهَا وَلاَ مَوْلُودٌ لَّهُ بِوَلَدِهِ {2:233

but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother's food and clothing on a reasonable basis. No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear. No mother shall be treated unfairly on account of her child, nor father on account of his child.

Hind (Bint’Utbah) Said to the Prophet (PBUH) “ O Messenger of Allah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing so? The Messenger (PBUH) replied: Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you and your children” (Al Bukhari)

The Messenger of Allah Said:

“Dinar you spend for the sake of Allah,

Dinar you spent to a free slave,

Dinar you spent upon a poor person,

and Dinar spent upon your family is the greatest reward

(Abu Hurairah/Muslim)

The Messenger of Allah Said:

"You will not find me to be miserly, cowardly, or a liar." [Muwatta 21.22]

The Messenger of Allah Said:

“The generous man is near Allah, near Paradise, near men and far from hell, but the miserly man is far from Allah, far from Paradise, far from men and near Hell. Indeed, an ignorant man who is generous is dearer to Allah than a worshipper who is miserly.”

(Abu Hurairah/Tirmidhi)

When the Prophet (PBUH) was asked by a man, "What is the right of our wives upon us?", He (PBUH) answered:

"That he should feed her whenever he eats and clothe her whenever he clothes himself, that he should not hit her face, that he should not call her ugly and that he should not boycott her except within the house." [Ibn Majah]

"Men are in charge of women because of what Allah has given to some more than others and because they support them from their property." [Noble Quran 4:34]

The Prophet (PBUH) warned of the dangers of not fulfilling justice where it is required between wives, saying:

"Whoever has two wives and favours one of them will be resurrected on Qiyama with one of his sides hanging down." [Abu Daud - Sahih]

"And you will not be able to effect justice between the women no matter how hard you try. So do not incline [toward some] completely such that you leave [another] as if suspended. And if you reform and fear Allah, surely Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful." [Noble Quran 4:129]

“You who believe! It is not lawful for you to inherit women by force. Nor may you treat them harshly so that you can make off with part of what you have given them, unless they commit an act of flagrant indecency. Live together with them honourably and with kindness.

If you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something in which Allah has placed a lot of good.”

(4:19)

Commenting on this verse, Ibn Kathir wrote:

"That is, have kind speech for them, deal with them with kind deeds and in a beautiful manner to the best of your ability. In the way that you love that from them, behave in that way towards them. As Allah has said, "They have rights similar to those upon them according to what is right" (2:228). The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "The best of you is the best of you to his wives and I am the best of you to my wife." It was from his behaviour that he would treat them in a beautiful fashion, with a smiling face. He would sport with his wives, be gentle with them and spend generously upon them. He would laugh with his wives and he even raced Aishah... Every night, he would gather his wives together in the house of the one with whom he (peace and blessings be upon him) was going to spend the night and eat dinner with them... After he prayed the night prayer, he would enter his house and talk to his wife a little bit before sleeping, making them comforted thereby. And Allah has said:

"You have in the Messenger of Allah the best example." [Noble Quran 33:21]

"Allah Almighty says, “And they (women) have rights (living expenses) similar to those (of men) over them (obedience and respect) to what is reasonable.

Allah is Mighty, Wise.”

(2:228)

The Prophet (PBUH) said: “How could they beat their women in daytime as slaves and then sleep with them in the night? (Al-Bukhari)

Ayesha (RA), when she was asked about what the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) used to do in his house, she said: “He was like any other human being: he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe and serve himself.”

The noble companion Ibn Abbas (RA) is reported to have said:

“I like to take care of my appearance for my wife just as I like for her to take care of her her appearance for me.

Aisha narrated that:

Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said to her: “I Know when you are pleased with me or angry with me”. I Said, “How do you know that?” He Said, “When you are pleased with me, you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Muhammad’, but when you are angry with me, then you say, No, by the Lord of Ibraheem.’” Thereupon I Said, “Yes, but by Allah, O Allah’s Messenger, I leave nothing but your name.” (Bukhari)

The Messenger of Allaah (PBUH) said:

Be kind to women.’”

(Abu Hurairah/Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3153; Muslim, 1468)

It was narrated from Zaynab bint Abi Salamah that Umm Salamah said: “I got my menses when I was lying with the Prophet (PBUH) under a single woollen sheet. I slipped away and put on the clothes I usually wore for menstruation. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to me, ‘Have you got your menses?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Then he called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet.”

She said: And she told me that the Prophet (PBUH) used to kiss her when he was fasting, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and I used to make ghusl to cleanse ourselves from janaabah from one vessel.(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 316; Muslim, 296)

“It was narrated that ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr said: “ ‘Aa’ishah said: ‘By Allah, I saw the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) standing at the door of my apartment when the Abyssinians were playing with their spears in the Mosque of the Messenger of Allah (PBUH). He covered me with his cloak so that I could watch their games, then he stood there for my sake until I was the one who had enough. So you should appreciate the fact that young girls like to have fun.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 443; Muslim, 892)

The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said:

"I entreat you to treat women well for they have been created from a rib and the most crooked part of a rib is the upper part. If you insist on straightening it, you will break it. If you leave it, it will remain crooked. So, I entreat you to treat women well.” (Bukhari)

Aisha (RA) once asked the prophet (PBUH):

“How much do you love me?”

He replied, “I love you like a knot on a rope.”

Then she asked him for her own reassurance, “And how is the rope now?” Muhammad (PBUH) said, “The knot is exactly as it is.”

Which meant it is still strong and tight.

The Prophet then said to Aisha (RA), “By Allah, nothing will harm me in this life when I know that you will be my wife in Paradise.”

This story shows what a wife needs from her husband on a regular basis:

reassurance, compliments and romantic gestures.

The Prophet (PBUH) used to call Aishah - Aish

Aisha (RA) Said: “I used to drink …then I would give the glass to Prophet Mohammad (PBUH), and he would place his mouth where my mouth was; the same with food” (Muslim)

In Sahih Ibn Hibban, the following was narrated:

"The wife of 'Uthman ibn Madh'un complained to the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) that her husband had no need for women. During the days he would fast and at night he would pray. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) asked him: "Am I not the best example for you to follow?" He answered: "Certainly, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you." The Prophet (PBUH) then told him: "As for you, you pray during the night and you fast during the day. Certainly, your wife has a right upon you and your body has a right upon you so pray and sleep and fast and break your fast.”

The Prophet (PBUH) mentioned in a Sahih hadith that "Three will never enter paradise……ad-dayyuth.” Ad-dayyuth is the weak husband who has no jealousy toward his wife and other men.

The Prophet (PBUH) was reported to have said: 'It is not appropriate that you fall upon your wives like a beast but you must send a message of love beforehand.”

He also said: “In the sexual intimacy of each of you there is a sadaqa.” The Companions replied: “O Messenger of God! When one of us fulfils his sexual desire, will he be given a reward for that?” And he said, “Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded.” (Muslim)

It was narrated from ‘Aa’isha the Mother of the Believers (RA) that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) used to pray sitting down; he would recite Qur’aan when he was sitting down, then when there were thirty or forty aayahs left, he would stand up and recite them standing up. Then he did rukoo’, then sujood; then he would do likewise in the second rak’ah. When he had finished his prayer, he would look, and if I was awake he would talk with me, and if I was asleep he would lie down. (Bukhari)

The Prophet (PBUH):

"All of you are shepherds and all of you will be asked about your flock. The ruler is a shepherd and shall be asked about his flock. The man is a shepherd of his family and will be asked about his flock." [Bukhari]

"O you who believe guard yourselves and your family members from a fire whose fuel is people and stones. Over it are tough and fearsome angels. They do not disobey Allah in any order they carry out that which they are ordered to do.”

[Noble Quran 66:6]

"If the wife of any of you seeks permission to go to the masjid, he may not prevent her." [Muslim & Bukhari]

The Prophet (PBUH) consulted his wife Umm Salaams regarding the Hudaybiya treaty

The Prophet (PBUH) Said: A true believer (Husband) should not dislike a true believer (Wife), if he dislikes a manner, he likes others” (Muslim)

RIGHTS OF THE HUSBAND

Men are the protectors/guardians and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means.So the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to the husband), and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allah would have them guard. (4:34)

‘Ali ibn Abi Talha said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbas: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” means, they are in charge of them, i.e. she should obey him in matters of obedience that Allah has enjoined upon her. (Ibn Kaathir)

The Prophet (PBUH) Said: the most blessed joy in life is a good, righteous wife.”

(At-Tirmidhi)

As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct (nushuz), admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) separate from them; but if they obey you, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).” (4:34)

The Prophet (SAW) said: “On the Day of Judgment, Allah will not look upon the woman who has been ungrateful to her husband.” (Al-Hakim)

“… If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favour]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.” [14:7]

The Prophet (PBUH) said to Ai’sha :

“Ai’sha! show gentleness, for if gentleness is found in anything, it beautifies it and when it is taken out from anything it damages it.” (Abu Dawud)

It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah (PBUH)

said in his Farewell Sermon:

“Fear Allah concerning women! you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed (i.e. not let them in the house) whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Theirs rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” (Muslim)

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (RA) said: “The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3065; Muslim, 1436)

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah (RA) that the Messenger of Allaah (PBUH) said: “It is not permitted for a woman to fast when her husband is present without his permission, or to admit anyone into his house without his permission. And whatever she spends (in charity) of his wealth without his consent, ….” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899; Muslim, 1026)

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:

She is obliged to serve her husband according to what is reasonable among people of similar standing. That varies according to circumstances: the way in which the bedouin woman serves (her husband) will not be like the way of a town dweller, and the way of a strong woman will not be like the way of a weak woman. (al-Fataawa al-Kubraa, 4/561)

It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Abbas (RA) said: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “I was shown Hell and I have never seen anything more terrifying than it. And I saw that the majority of its people are women.” They said, “Why, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Because of their ingratitude (kufr).” It was said, “Are they ungrateful to Allah?” He said, “They are ungrateful to their companions (husbands) and ungrateful for good treatment. If you are kind to one of them for a lifetime then she sees one (undesirable) thing in you, she will say, ‘I have never had anything good from you.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhari, 1052)

It was narrated that Abu Sa’eed al Khudri (RA) said: “The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) went out to the musalla (prayer place) on the day of Eid al-Adha or Eid al-Fitr. He passed by the women and said, ‘O women! Give charity, for I have seen that you form the majority of the people of Hell.’ They asked, ‘Why is that, O Messenger of Allah?’ He replied, ‘You curse frequently and are ungrateful to your husbands. I have not seen anyone more deficient in intelligence and religious commitment than you. A cautious sensible man could be led astray by some of you.’ The women asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah, what is deficient in our intelligence and religious commitment?’ He said, ‘Is not the testimony of two women equal to the testimony of one man?’ They said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘This is the deficiency in her intelligence. Is it not true that a woman can neither pray nor fast during her menses?’ The women said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘This is the deficiency in her religious commitment.’” (Al Bukhari, 304)

Hussain Ibn Muhsan’s aunt mentioned her husband to the Prophet (PBUH) who said,

“Evaluate yourself concerning your husband for he is your paradise or hell-fire.” (Ahmad and Al-Hakim)

The Prophet (PBUH) said:

“Allah will not look at a woman who is ungrateful to her husband, while she is unable to do without him.” (Al-Hakim)

The Prophet (PBUH) said:

“If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter paradise

The Prophet (PBUH) said:

“When a man sends for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she should go to him even if she may be occupied in baking bread (cooking food).” (Tirmidhi)

If a woman performs the five (prayers), fasts the month of (Ramadhan) and obeys her husband, she will enter paradise from any gate she wants.” (Ahmad)

The Prophet (PBUH) said, “I severely dislike that woman who puts her cloak on and leaves the home in order to complain about her husband.” (Tabrani, Haithami)

Ayesha (RA) says: “Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said, “Be calm, O ‘Ayesha! Allah loves that; one should be kind and lenient in all matters.” (Al-Bukhari)

The Prophet (PBUH) Said:

“I guarantee a house in Jannah for the one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right…” (Abu Dawud)

Mu’adh bin Jabal asked the Prophet (PBUH):

“ O Prophet of Allah, will we be brought to account for what we say?” He said: “May your mother not find you, O Mu’adh! are people thrown onto their faces in hell for anything other than the harvest of their tongues?” (Ibn Majah)

"I asked the Prophet (PBUH): Who has the greatest right over a woman? He (PBUH) said: Her husband. I said: And who has the greatest right over a man? He (PBUH) said: His mother." [Al-Hakim - taken from Fiqh As-Sunnah]

the Prophet (PBUH) mentioned in a hadith:

"...And that she should not admit anyone to his house except with his permission..." [Muslim & Bukhari]

The Prophet (PBUH) asked his aunt if she was married.

When she answered in the affirmative, he said:

"How are you with respect to him?"

She answered: 'I do not fail in obeying him save in those things that I am incapable of doing.' The Prophet (PBUH) told her: "Look to how you are with respect to him for he is your paradise and your hell-fire." (Ahmad & others)

"Is there any man among you who goes to his wife, closes the door behind them, covers themselves and conceal themselves by Allah's concealing?" They said: "Yes." He then said: "Then he sits after that [with others] and says, 'I did this and that.'" They were silent. He then turned to the women and said: "Do any of you talk about such things?" They, too, were silent. Then a young girl stood up on her toes so the Prophet (PBUH) could see her and hear her and she said: "O Messenger of Allah they [the men] certainly talk about that and they [the women] also talk about it." He (PBUH) said: "Do you know what they are like? They are like a female devil who met a male devil in the street and they satisfied their desires with the people looking on." [Abu Daud - Sahih]

"When any woman prays her five, fasts her month, guards her body and obeys her husband it is said to her: Enter paradise from whichever of its doors you wish." [Ibn Hibban (sahih per Al-Albani)]

MOST FREQUENT ISSUES IN MARRIAGE

It has always been known that couples have had their differences in marriage but have sought to reason when help has been approached. However, in most recent years advanced technology, fast paced lives, competing on all different levels or be it another simpler reason has put different aspects of marriage on the bottom of the pile. The key to a healthy relationship is built first and foremost on a stable foundation based on trust, commitment and effective communication. From a lot of research, it is obvious to see that some issues in marriage are more regular than others.

Below is a number of most common reasons why problems occur in marriage.

  • Communication- is defined as the act of conveying intended meanings from one person or group to the other through the use of mutually understood language. A couple who have a language barrier but share a language with little communication in some cases can have a healthy relationship as they make the effort to try and understand one another as slowing down to understand takes away the effort to argue or misunderstand, this within itself is a motivation to make things work.

There is a possibility that parental, peer or social media influences play a part in the way one communicates with the other spouse, either way this is where the cry for attention stems from. All of these factors from both parts can lead to communication barriers as the result may be unnecessary

Both people in a relationship must acknowledge that if the foundation of communication is healthy then they can conquer any obstacle be it hardship or and other small problem. If the couples are constantly going be at war like enemies, then all the energy is fuelled at one another and the focus of the relationship is lost. Communication comes with patience to hear one another’s views, discussing, contemplating, agreeing, disagreeing with wisdom and consideration, above all being able to come up with solutions together regardless of whether it meets or goes against one another’s professions, opinions or egos, for instance always wanting to be right or wanting to have the last word which can resort to emotional disruption and disables the point of a conversation. Most commonly avoiding the conversation is a bigger issue as it diffuses repeated attempts of a connective communication and resorts to one out of the relationship withdrawing emotionally and in some cases falling into depression. Which is why communication is key and is the foundation to a successful relationship just like the first layers of a building are vital in order for it to stand up and not fall. If a positive mind-set is adhered in communication whether or not it is an intellectual conversation then it enables a friendship which is vital in a relationship.

  • Technology- As mankind we live in an era of technology. In a room full of people or even amongst a couple there will be less verbal communication out loud as their will be more opinions and statements or even hashtags online. People have resorted to express their views and or anxiety online. It is as if some people have resorted to make more effort to make a better character of themselves on the world wide web just to escape reality. Having said that not all people have taken those means, the internet is a great source for global computer network providing a variety of information and communication facilities, consisting of interconnected networks using standardized communication protocols.

Hence a lot of couples occupy their leisure and personal time to their devices which then creates a distance between the pair as all their free time is occupied in technology. Technology is one of eras greatest gifts and as mankind we can use it to vast benefits however couples must communicate better time management in order to be able to have quality time together. This can be done by turning off devices at particular times.

  • Time Management- Is very essential in a marriage as both couples are able to effectively give everything time whether it be work, children, leisure, family, friends etc. Couples should re-evaluate their schedules when everything seems like it’s getting too much for instance what needs priority and what does or doesn’t need commitment. Collaborative decision making enables both partners to rearrange their lives and make better choices in order for the couple to see what is better for their quality of life but upmost best for their relationship in order to protect it as that comes first. When the heel of the shoe is wearing away it is a better choice to mend the shoe with another heel before it becomes painful to walk in that shoe.

Another point to add would be that in some relationships both the partners live completely separate lives hence the companionship aspect of the relationship is very poor, for example living completely independent from one another takes away the emotional connection and enjoyment of the relationship as you share things but don’t enjoin on them. This falls back to time management and communication, everything ties in smoothly which is why seeking advice from the correct sources is also healthy. Partners must realise working as a team in all aspects of their lives is important and they should be decisive and come to a mutual agreement regarding it all whether it be finances, managing the household or parenting. Time management should also include common interests, quality time together, with that in place theirs time away from the structural ongoing daily tasks and enables a healthy relationship.

Does money matter?

Well weather you come from a financially wealthy home or from a working class family, the pennies always add up and the bills need to be payed. If one spouse is keeping the bank rolling and the other is giving in due to let’s say maybe “keeping them sweet”, then the reality is problems are going to occur soon enough and lead to turmoil. The money card is one which couples do not like to bring on the table as it brings frustration and deems the truth. However, in other cases it leads to huge arguments, rows and it is known to destroy marriages.

Each person will be accountable for their wealth, how they earned it as well as how they spent it. Both spouses should take time out to sit and evaluate their financial situation without being too stingy but also bearing in mind excessive spending. Couples will find more ease in working as a team and talking about money, it will take off the strain on both parts and will open the door for the elephant to walk straight out of the room.

“And [they are] those who, when they spend, do so not excessively or sparingly but are ever, between that, [justly] moderate.” (Qur’an, 25:67).

One should not spend beyond their means, hence being stingy or excessive when it comes to spending is not from Islam. So we can learn much simple measures from this verse as Islam comes in moderation and so does balancing everything out.

Are you satisfied after being intimate with your partner?

Intimacy has become the much anticipated subject for every married couple, as it gets brushed under the carpet because it’s easier to not talk about it. Instead be amerced in any other worldly affair be it work, chores, leisure or children. The fact of reality is marriage isn’t easy but it’s how tough you make it on yourself. As years pass by other commitments or what you think is a commitment can override facing the intimacy card or just instead rolling over and falling asleep. Sometimes couples are intimate up until they have a child or more. Some men believe their spouse is giving them less attention after she’s had a baby or the woman might think her partner doesn’t find her attractive anymore due to her body change, either way because of the couple not expressing themselves to one another time goes on and intimacy is a subject put to the back of the cupboard along with another on the ‘to do list’. In a lot of cases in this modern era both couples then turn to other means be it an affair or watching x rated videos online to fulfil themselves.

Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who invoke not any other ilah (god) along with Allah, nor kill such life as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;

Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds, for those, Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

[Al-Furqaan 25:68-70]

“Say: O My slaves who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

[az-Zumar 39:53].

Marriage does take a lot of work and facing reality. Being loved and having that intimacy is what makes the marriage stay alive, often you can see it on couples faces, when intimacy is healthy they come across fresher and soulfully younger despite age. Hence it should be discussed amongst the couple, it does not have to be a strict ‘table talk’ but can be a light hearted topic. It is challenging and can be hard to bring it up if its been buried for a long time but being the first one to open the conversation doesn’t make you any smaller than the other person.

The Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explains this. Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) says in his book Zaad al-Ma’aad:

“Concerning sexual relations, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) brought the most perfect guidance, whereby health may be preserved and people may find pleasure and enjoyment, and it may fulfil the purpose for which it was created.

https://islamqa.info/en/5560