My Story

Why is the topic of jinns so misunderstood? Why when you ask people 'what's ayn?' Most people have loads of different answers and stories but many can't really explain it from an Islamic perspective. If someone lived next door to a thief, they would want to know exactly who they are living next to. But why, when it comes to another creation of Allah, that is living side by side and even 'inside' of us, does the Ummah as a whole know nothing or little about?

Little did I know that all these years I have been fighting for my rights. The rights to not be oppressed within my own body, mind and feelings. It's only now that I can understand and unravel what is really living 'part/inside' of me and it's only now that I understand what I need to do, to InshaAllah free me from this test.

How is it possible that for years I can sit in a room and feel so lonely when the room is full of laughter? How is it possible that my heart yearns to do good things yet my body and mind feels like I'm being pulled towards haram/or not beneficial things? How can I feel so worthless and empty when my Deen is supposed to liberate me and give me a happiness that I will never get from anywhere else?

I used to put all the answers to these questions down to events that have happened in my life. The normal feeling that people have hurt me and damaged my inner self which has lead me to break in every possible way- screaming out a consistent silent cry that seems so loud to me its almost deafening, yet the people around me seem oblivious to any pain and struggle that I've learnt to now hide behind all the smiles and pace of life.

As a non Muslim for 17 years, the world of jinns, ayn, hasada and shir meant absolutely nothing to me. Being blessed as a Muslim was the best day of my life. Everything made complete sense (even if my knowledge of Islam was minimal at this stage). Even after a few years of being Muslim, I was still not educated in these words and didn't understand the depth of what harm an affliction can have on a persons character, family, work etc. I heard often that ayn can change the destiny of someone's life, that ayn can put you in the grave.......it was all words and stories that sounded unreal and it didn't seem to concern me and my family so I had no connection to it....................or at least that was what I thought